Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
