I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize