good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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