Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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