your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
