i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
