Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
