Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i came on her dog
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
