he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
