I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize