I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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