Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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