I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
