Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
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I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
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Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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