You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
