can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
