I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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