need another drink. this is the easiest way
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
