i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
