STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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