guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
