there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
