So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
