My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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