So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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