I love black thongs
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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