So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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