If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
