i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
