i think my tv is drunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
