He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
