Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
