I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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