i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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