So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
