I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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