Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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