Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
