She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
