Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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