You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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