The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
