Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
