Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
