I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
