I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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