i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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