I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
