After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
