If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
