I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
