I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
