but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
