so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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