I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
