when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
