His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
