At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
