Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
