just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
