On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
