New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
