So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is my life. Enjoy the view
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
