At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sext me about skeletons
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
