If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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