I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i think i just lost a toe
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
