just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just pee around me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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