your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
