I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
