apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
