i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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