Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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