You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
