it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
