and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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