The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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