phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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