Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
