well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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