i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
