Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.