I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?