I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today