She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.