So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
