But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
