he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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