He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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