I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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