And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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