i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
