these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
