It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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