Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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