Ketchup is God's man juice
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
