and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
